Fussy Baby (and Why He's Awesome)

I have a fussy baby.

His fuss isn't like a lot of babies. He doesn't just start screaming right off the bat. He has this wind up that starts with an almost coughing sound, then little sustained cries, then longer cries, then angry/yelling/catlike crying.

He fusses when he's hungry, when he wants his pacifier, when he needs a diaper change (on occasion), when he's sleepy, when he wants to be held, and every time I leave him alone for more than 10 seconds. Basically, he's like every other baby out there when it comes to fussing.

It may sound weird, but I love him for it.

After having such a scare and almost losing him, it's encouraging to hear him fussy, to hear him be active. I would be lying if I said it wasn't frustrating at times, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Migraines: An Encounter

Yesterday I woke up after a very rough night of sleep. Hubby slept with us in the bed and his snoring combined with crazy temperature fluctuations kept me waking up several times a night. I had a headache when I woke up and a little dizziness, but it passed for the most part and I took the boy to church.

After church and shopping, I started to feel really awful and laid down on the couch. My head got this intense ache and I started shivering from head to toe. I could barely move, light felt like daggers in my brain, and I ended up with a fever of 102.7 at its peak. I was terrified I had something that was serious and could be passed on to the baby. My husband said it was a migraine.

I've only experienced a migraine once before and it wasn't like this, but I trusted that I'd wake in the morning. Sure enough, woke with no chills, no fever, and mild head pain. Kinda crazy.

I just hope to goodness I don't continue to get these things.

On another note, hubby and I are meeting with the pastor of my church to discuss theology and what a christening might entail. I've been feeling family pressure to have one done but I need to make sure it's a right fit for how we're going to raise the boy.

My Pants are on Fire...

... because I'm a liar liar. Luke was having a hard time sleeping the other night so I brought him into bed with me. He fell asleep almost immediately and slept the entire night snuggled up against me. We've been co-sleeping at night for the past few nights and it's awesome. I sleep through the night, he sleeps through the night, and everyone's happy. Except my hubby. Who now has to sleep in the small bed.

Luke has reached the "Mommy put me down so I shall scream blue 60" stage. Of course this is partially my fault since I don't really put him down during the day. I just hate to hear him cry! I need to make a wrap carrier (since he won't go in the sling anymore) so I can wear him around the apartment during the day.

I called unemployment today and was told that my application for emergency benefits was approved. So I have 20 more weeks of unemployment compensation, which is some of the best news I have had since they said "You can take your baby home on Sunday."

My Week (A Lesson in Co-Sleeping)

We brought the baby home from the hospital last Sunday, which had to be the best Mother's Day present a mom could get. I have barely let him out of my sight since.

We tried some co-sleeping this week and it was incredibly relaxing... until my hip started protesting that it had been in the same spot for too long. Hubby has co-slept with baby a few more times than I and he also finds it to be comforting. However, there's also a sense of terror that comes with co-sleeping and the possibility of rolling on top of the baby or having him fall out of the bed. I'm ok with napping like this, but not all night sleeping.

My main hangup this week has been my inability to do everything I want to. I wanted to go for a walk every day, but only ended up going once. I want to write a minimum of two articles a day, but only wrote four all week. I wanted to clean my apartment and only managed to get half of the laundry done. There aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done and get some sleep. I'm afraid if I sacrifice sleep that I'm letting the family down but I'm also letting them down if I don't bring in money and clean.

Unfortunately this frustration is starting to take it's toll on my marriage. My husband is tired of me being moody, since all of this coupled with a lack of breast milk production makes me feel like a failure. Hubby is very supportive, but I can't seem to get around this. Plus money is extra tight while we wait and see if I've been approved for Emergency Unemployment Benefits. I'm trying hard to just focus on the two boys in my life and just relax, but I'm struggling.

Homecoming (complete with dancing)

Luke comes home tomorrow from the hospital and it honestly feels really weird. Sleeping in the room with him has been an exhausting adventure, but sleeping at home just feels odd now. My husband is staying with him tonight so I can get some rest, but I'll most likely clean until I drop in preparation for him being here. I do have church in the morning, but cleaning will not get in the way of that.

I actually started going back to church recently. I fell away from my faith while in college just because I couldn't stomach some of the prejudice the Christians were preaching. This church, MCCLV (Metropolitan Community Church of the Lehigh Valley) is absolutely amazing, the people are just the people I want to be around, and I've never felt more comfortable in a house of worship in my life. Hubby is exploring his Buddhist spirituality, it's about time I did the same with my faith. We'll need to know what we believe in in order to explain how we believe to our son.

Neither religion will be pushed on Luke. I'll take him to church until he decides he no longer wants to go and we've decided to let him choose his religion when he's old enough to make that decision.

Anyways, he's coming home, his Nana (hubby's Mom) will be visiting, and there will be much celebrating. It's a great first Mother's Day gift.

Please Let Me Sleep

So we're on day 11 (I think. I've lost count.) here in the hospital and Luke is doing well. He has strep b meningitis, which isn't contagious to adults, but still is a big deal to a 2 week old baby. The doc calculated that we can go home Sunday afternoon, so my first Mother's Day won't have to be totally spent in this place.

The nurses are lovely here, the doctors are great, and the techs are very helpful. It has been an emotional roller coaster and they've all been very supportive. Luke's fever wouldn't go down, so Wednesday of last week the docs decided he needed an MRI. If they found an abcess, baby would need surgery. Thank goodness his MRI came back clean and his fever broke soon after. He's been continually improving since.

Mommy is exhausted as is Daddy. I've been with Luke every night save for one (Nana stayed with the munchkin) and my hubby's been staying at home and going to work during the day. I'm just glad our little trooper is doing so well.